January 2008
The First Narayever Congregation is a participatory community that seeks to find meaning and joy in Jewish life cycle events. Through ongoing participation and education, members can experience personal growth in a traditional egalitarian environment.
The Narayever believes that a bar/bat mitzvah is part of a process of Jewish learning and commitment. Education begins long before the actual event and will, we hope, continue through adulthood. For those who do not attend shul regularly, the few years before the bar/bat mitzvah event is a wonderful opportunity to begin to do so. A family centered approach to synagogue participation gives everyone maximum benefit of this Jewish religious simcha. The bar/bat mitzvah period is also a wonderful opportunity for families to undertake activities relating to Tikun Olam (repair of the world). Families who would like information about opportunities should contact the Rabbi or the Social Action Committee.
Parents (or guardians) of the bar/bat mitzvah student must be members of the congregation for at least eighteen months prior to the bar/bat mitzvah date and their accounts must be in good standing at the time of bar/bat mitzvah.
Only members can book a bar or bat mitzvah date. Non-members who are considering joining the shul and booking a bar or bat mitzvah may inquire about the availability of dates but a booking can only be made after the parent or guardian has become a member.
The bar/bat mitzvah student must have completed a minimum of four years of Judaic/ Hebraic instruction within the six years preceding and including the year of the bar/bat mitzvah. The family will be asked to provide this information at the time the bar or bat mitzvah is booked. Families will be required to update this information at the request of the Rabbi at the commencement of the shul's bar/bat mitzvah program.
Bar and Bat mitzvahs are very special events at the First Narayever Congregation. Only one bar or bat mitzvah is celebrated on a Shabbat unless a family wants to arrange for siblings to celebrate their bar or bat mitzvah together. Bar and bat mitzvahs are on Shabbat mornings because leading the service with the shul community is an important part of the experience.
A bar mitzvah may be held on or after the thirteenth Hebrew birthday and a bat mitzvah on or after the twelfth Hebrew birthday. Many girls are now choosing to have their bat mitzvah on or after their thirteenth birthday.
The shul encourages bar and bat mitzvahs as close as possible to the young person's birthday and has a policy that the Shabbat following the Hebrew birthday of the bar/bat mitzvah will be the date that is initially "reserved" for the family. This means that the family has the option of the "first rights" for the reserved date. Families are not bound to book on the reserve date and may select another available date.
An information meeting is held each year for all parents or guardians of children who will celebrate their bar and bat mitzvahs in the same calendar year. This meeting takes place two years before the year of bar and bat mitzvah, sometime during November or December. The purpose of the meeting is to review the bar and bat mitzvah program, provide the bar and bat mitzvah information package to parents, answer questions with respect to celebrating this simcha in the shul and begin the process of booking individual dates.
At the information meeting member families will be asked to complete the bar and bat Mitzvah booking form with the birth date of the young person, to determine the "reserved date", and provide other dates that they may be interested in booking.
Following the information meeting there will be a period of one month for the bar and bat Mitzvah Chair to receive other booking inquiries and, if necessary, resolve conflicts when more than one family prefers the same date or has the same reserved date.
Once the 30-day period has passed, the family will receive a contract noting the date of the bar or bat mitzvah and indicating that the family agrees to the requirements set out in these guidelines. The contract also indicates that the family agrees to sponsor the kiddush on the day of the simcha. This contract must be returned together with the booking fee determined by the Board. The bar and bat mitzvah date will be confirmed once both the signed contract and booking fee are received by the shul.
The booking fee is $325.00. Members who have paid this fee shall be protected from any fee increases.
Families who do not book a bar or bat mitzvah at the information meeting or within the initial booking period may not have the option of booking the first Shabbat immediately following the Hebrew birth date. Families may contact the shul office to book a date that is still available.
If a family of a girl prefers to have their bat mitzvah at age 13, or if a family wishes to delay a bar mitzvah to a later date they may attend they may attend the information meeting the following year, with the next age-cohort of children.
Requests for a change of date after its confirmation will be considered for dates that are still available. A change of date will require a new contract to confirm the new date.
If more than one family requests a change to the same date and that date is open, then the assignment will be to the family who makes the request first. The bar and bat mitzvah Chair will help resolve any issues that arise regarding date assignments.
In order for bar and bat mitzvah students to benefit most from the experience, all B'nai Mitzvah are expected to have familiarity with and knowledge of Jewish holidays, history, tradition and a basic understanding of Hebrew. The following are our specific requirements.
All bar/bat mitzvah students must receive appropriate instruction to prepare for the Hebrew material that will be recited on the actual bar/bat mitzvah day. To assist with this, the Congregation has engaged a bar/bat mitzvah teacher to provide one on one tutoring.
Parents should contact the shul tutor 12-18 months prior to the bar or bat mitzvah in order for the family and tutor to assess the tutoring needs and agree on a start date. Payment for bar/bat mitzvah lessons is made directly to the Congregation for the lessons. An educational tax receipt will be issued for the amount paid.
The shul tutor, Nirit Gruber can be reached at 416-653-5368 or niritgruber@hotmail.com.
A family may use someone other than the shul's bar/bat mitzvah teacher only if the Rabbi approves of the alternative arrangement. Administrative processing and the issuance of receipts by the shul is done only for families who engage the shul's tutor.
All bar/bat mitzvah students are required to attend the shul's bar/bat mitzvah Program during the period prior to their simcha. The Rabbi leads this dynamic program, designed to provide opportunities to learn, have interesting discussions, and develop a shul chevra. Details about this program are provided during the Information Session held at the time the bar/bat mitzvah is booked.
Bar/Bat Mitzvah students and their families are expected to attend Shabbat/Erev Shabbat Services at the Narayever to become comfortable and familiar with the service and the Narayever Chevra. In the two years preceding their bar/bat mitzvah students are required to attend eighteen Shabbat/ Erev Shabbat services at the First Narayever as a minimum. It is strongly suggested that a significant portion of shul attendance occur on Shabbat morning, so that B'nai Mitzvah students are aware of the procedures associated with the morning of their simcha.
Each family is encouraged to purchase a set of tefilin for the bar or bat mitzvah student. If you or your child want instruction in laying tefilin, contact the Rabbi, or you may wish to attend the Sunday morning service held at the shul. The wearing of tefilin is mandatory for bar and bat mitzvahs on Rosh Chodesh.
Consideration will be given to children who have special needs that would make it difficult for them to fulfill the educational requirements outlined above. Parents should contact the Rabbi to discuss the matter. The objective of the shul is for every child to have a successful bar or bat mitzvah.
The bar and bat mitzvah student has the opportunity to lead important parts of the service. They are expected to chant the Torah blessings, Maftir aliya, the Maftir, Haftora and Haftora blessings, lead the Torah service and deliver in English a brief Dvar Torah. The bar or bat mitzvah may also lead other portions of the service with the agreement of the Rabbi. The bar or bat mitzvah child may also lead the recitation of the kiddush following services. Siblings may also participate in reciting the kiddush.
The bar or bat mitzvah student prepares the Dvar Torah with the guidance of the Rabbi. The rabbi meets with the bar or bat mitzvah student several times in the months prior to the simcha. The Rabbi approves the final version of the Dvar Torah prior to the simcha.
Bar and bar mitzvahs can also take place on the one or two Rosh Hodesh that fall on Sundays each year. The services and expectations for bar and bat mitzvahs on Rosh Hodesh are the same as for Shabbat services with two differences; there is no haftorah and the wearing of tefilin is mandatory.
A rehearsal takes place in the weeks before the simcha. The family may arrange for photographs or videotapes of the rehearsal, with the approval of the Rabbi, but this arrangement must be made in advance of the rehearsal.
It is a tradition at the Narayever that a gift from the Congregation is given to the bar or bat mitzvah child to commemorate the occasion. The President of the Board usually presents the gift. If the bar/bat mitzvah family has a particular connection with another member of the Board and wishes to have him/her make the presentation, this should be discussed with the President in advance of the simcha.
It is a tradition at the Narayever to "shower" the bar/bat mitzvah child with candy after the Haftora blessings are completed. All candy brought into the Shul must carry a recognized hekhsher (a stamp that certifies it is kosher) and should be the soft, chewy, and individual wrapped variety. Baskets for holding the candy are kept in the shul. The candies are distributed during the blessings following the Haftorah.
The shul encourages the participation of family and honoured friends in bar and bat mitzvahs.
Family and friends of the bar/bat mitzvah family may have three aliyot and the Hagba and G'lila honours (raising and dressing the Torah) and opening and closing the Ark twice during the service.
The bar/bat mitzvah family can request that they or other members of their party lead other parts of the service such as leyning other aliyot, or leading one of the services (Pesukei d'zimra, Shaharit Musaf or Kiddush). Young family members and friends can recite the Ashrei. All requests for additional participation should be made to the person responsible for organizing services.
As the person responsible varies from year to year, the Rabbi or bar and bat mitzvah chair can direct families to the right person. Such requests will be considered within the sanctity of the Shabbat and the needs of the congregation. The daveners and leyners should contact the Rabbi at least one month before the bar or bat mitzvah to review their part and to become familiar with the customs and traditions of the First Narayever Congregation with regard to the part they are planning to lead.
The family of the bar/bat mitzvah is expected to sponsor the kiddush following the service. The family should refer to the shul's kiddush guidelines and speak to the kiddush chairperson for further information.
The family should provide the name of the caterer to the kiddush chair no less than one month prior to the simcha. The kiddush sponsor is announced during the service and in the bulletin. If the family would like the announcement to note the sponsor as other than the parents (ie grandparents) please inform the shul. The kiddush should be arranged for the number of guests you are inviting plus 100-125 congregants.
On any Shabbat, other families may also be marking a life-cycle event (e.g. Baby naming, aufruf), however the bar or bat mitzvah family is still able to invite up to 120 guests. The shul will contact the family to inform them if other celebrations will take place on the same day as the bar or bat mitzvah.
The Narayever is housed in a small building and seating in the sanctuary is limited. In order to ensure that everyone may be seated (invited guests and congregants) you are asked to limit the number of invited guests to 120.
In keeping with the sanctity of Shabbat and the meaning of bar/bat mitzvah, the synagogue encourages its members to observe kashrut in celebration of the event. When the bar/bat mitzvah family chooses to celebrate its simcha at an establishment that does not conform to strict Kashrut standards, then a separate card should be printed for the invitation to the party. It is the preference of the First Narayever Congregation not to have its name linked with the name of a non-kosher facility.
If you would like to make up a booklet about the service to distribute in the shul on the bar or bat mitzvah morning, the shul has a template for you to consult. The Rabbi should approve the content of the booklet before the booklet is printed. The booklets or program must be brought to the shul prior to Shabbat.
The Narayever is an egalitarian congregation; that is, women have the same rights and obligations as men with respect to ritual participation. As such, men, women and children are all required to have their heads covered while in the shul and anyone standing on the bima is required to wear a talit. We know that many woman guests are not accustomed to covering their heads in shul. Nevertheless, we ask that all guests respect this Narayever tradition. The family is encouraged to convey this expectation to their guests in order to avert any confusion on the day of the simcha.
As a congregation, the Narayever is committed to traditional halakha whenever it does not conflict with gender egalitarian principles. The Shabbat must therefore be respected and observed therefore:
Many families have found it helpful to include, with their invitations, an information card explaining the shul's requirement regarding head covering and other shul traditions.
The shul encourages families to contribute the equivalent of 3% of the cost of the food for the simcha to Mazon Canada.
It is Narayever tradition to reserve an aliya for the bar/bat mitzvah on the Shabbat following their simcha. Families are encouraged to attend shul, to enable their son/daughter, to participate in this honour, and to let the service coordinator know in advance that you will be coming so an aliya can be reserved.
The bar or bat mitzvah marks the culmination of a time of very intense engagement with the shul and with Jewish tradition. However, it is the fervent hope of our congregation that the bar/bat mitzvah will also mark the beginning of a long life of engagement with Torah and with the community. The shul offers programs for teens, and young people are strongly encouraged to take part and build on the positive experience of the bar or bat mitzvah to continue in their Jewish learning and growth. Speak to the rabbi for more information.
Although every appropriate consideration will be given to families, failure to comply with the policies outlined above may result in cancellation of the bar/bat mitzvah, at the discretion of the Board of Governors, after issuing notice.
January 2008