Vayishlach

Jackie Brown, November 23, 2002, 18 Kislev, 5763

My portion is called Vayishlach, which means he sent. Jacob sent messengers to Esau, his brother, because he was about to pass through the area where Esau lived. He wanted Esau to know that he was coming in peace.

Jacob was concerned that Esau might still be angry with him and might wish to seek revenge. When they were younger Jacob manipulated Esau into giving him his birthright. Later he deceived his father into giving him the blessing that was intended for Esau.

When Jacob sent his messengers to Esau, about twenty years had passed since the two brothers had seen or heard from each other. Esau sent a messenger back to Jacob saying that he was coming to meet his brother with four hundred men.

Jacob feared that Esau was bringing an army to attack his people. He divided his camp into two parts- figuring that if one camp was attacked, the other one could escape.

When it became dark, Jacob was left alone. During the night, it is said that Jacob wrestled with an angel. They wrestled through the night and the angel injured Jacob, but Jacob refused to give up. As dawn was breaking, the angel demanded "Let me go." Jacob refused to let go until the angel blessed him. The angel said that Jacob would no longer be known as Jacob but would be named Israel- "the one who fought with an angel and won".

During my research I read many commentaries about the wrestling match between Jacob and the angel.

The commentator, Rashi, believed that it was Esau's angel that Jacob had wrestled with. According to Rashi, Jacob thought that Esau might still be angry even though it had been many years since he had stolen Esau's blessing. Rashi explains that by fighting Esau or his angel Jacob could force Esau into forgiving him.

In my opinion this explanation is hard to believe. I would not use violence to get forgiveness- because forgiveness achieved by force would not likely be sincere. If I wanted someone to forgive me, I would tell them that I'm sorry, and treat them kindly.

Elie Wiesel writes that there are two Jacobs fighting against each other. There was the Jacob who thought he was nothing. He had doubts about himself and regretted stealing the blessing from Esau. This Jacob felt unworthy of God and of leading the Jewish nation. Then there was the Jacob who was brave and thought he deserved the blessing. This Jacob reminded himself how hard he had worked to create his community and that through him the Jewish people would survive. That night, the two Jacobs fought against each other. As the angel left Jacob would have a new name. He would no longer be called Jacob which means, "The one who holds onto his brothers heel." He would become Israel, "The one who has wrestled with himself and was ready for anything."

Other rabbis said that Jacob represented the Jewish nation and Esau represented enemy nations who sought to destroy the Jewish people. To these commentators, the fight represented the war for the survival of the Jewish people.

Personally, I also believe that Jacob was wrestling with himself, and not an angel. I think that there were many conflicts that Jacob had to work out. On the one hand, Jacob felt he was entitled to the blessing, and had proven to be a good leader. On the other hand, he felt guilty about having taken the blessing which had belonged to his brother. He felt like a strong and capable leader when he divided his camp into two sections, but he felt weak when he gave Esau gifts and humbled himself by calling Esau "master". Jacob felt confident when he sent messengers to Esau, yet when he heard that Esau was coming with four hundred men, he became afraid. Most importantly, Jacob felt that God had chosen him to lead the Jewish nation, but the very existence of his people was threatened by Esau's army.

I learned two important lessons from this portion.

Firstly, I learned that it is normal to have conflicts with yourself, and to wrestle with opposing ideas and emotions, if not with actual angels.

There are times when my parents have made me do something I really did not want to do. For instance- cleaning up after myself, practising piano and more recently, working on my dvar torah. I know that my parents are asking these things for my own good- and that doing them will help me develop good habits. Although it is very difficult to avoid the feeling of conflict, I have learned from my portion that it is important to deal with the conflict and to try to resolve it for myself and for anyone else involved.

I think Jacob regretted stealing the blessing from Esau, but instead of approaching Esau, Jacob ran away and did not speak to Esau for twenty years. Sometimes I take something from my sister- but then I feel so guilty that I put it back. If I feel so guilty taking something small- then I can't imagine how Jacob felt after stealing something from his brother that could not be replaced.

And yet- I cannot imagine letting a problem go on for that long. In my relationship with my sister- although we may fight, the next day we make up and laugh about it because we realize that it is not worth ruining our relationship as sisters and friends. As my safta always says: you two are best friends right?

When arguing with my sister, I have never felt like I was fighting with an angel. Still- she is a great sister. And I know now that we will never reach the point of not talking to each other- just as long as we communicate to each other what is bothering us.

I have learned that, not only is it important to communicate, but it is also important to listen to how other people feel, and to forgive. In my life, this applies not only to my sister, but to my parents and friends as well. Secondly, I learned that people shouldn't judge others by their reputation or by one bad experience. In this portion everyone thinks that Esau is the bad guy, and that Jacob is the good guy- but now I feel that this is not entirely true. Jacob stole his brother's blessing. We may think that he deserved it, and Jacob too thought that he deserved it- but the fact remains that he obtained the blessing by deceit. And obviously Esau was not entirely evil- because he did forgive his brother as soon as he saw him. Although Esau came with an army, it may have been in self-defence. Because in the end, Esau neither wanted to harm Jacob nor accept his presents.

This portion has taught me that people aren't all good or all bad. There are times I have heard from friends that a teacher is bad... and then it turns out that I like the teacher. I shouldn't just go along with others because they are my friends. I should speak up for myself, and say how I feel. It should not matter to them if my opinion is different from theirs. If someone no longer wants to be my friend because of this, then they may not have been such a great friend to begin with. Speaking up and expressing a differing opinion is something I have always found hard to do. Until now, if someone voiced an opinion I disagreed with, I would simply not say anything. Now that I have become a Bat-Mitzvah I will try to learn to speak my ideas.

Dealing with conflicts, communicating and forgiving, and giving people the benefit of the doubt are all valuable lessons for me on becoming a Bat Mitzvah. Shabbat Shalom.