Daniel Davidson-Kalmar, Bar Mitzvah
16 December, 2006
Today's parshah is about the well-known story of Joseph and his brothers. Joseph was a boy who was favored by his father. This caused Joseph to think he was superior to the rest of his brothers. Eventually, out of spite, Joseph's brothers decided to get rid of him. At first they planned to kill him but then they decided it would be better to make money off of him, so they sold him to an Egyptian slave trader.
What caused the hostility between Joseph and his brothers? Let's see how some of our sages answer this question.
Rashi said that Joseph was a self-promoter. He took every opportunity to complain to Jacob about what his brothers were doing wrong. Often what he said was not even true. According to Rashi, Joseph did this to gain the favor of his father over his brothers.
Resh Lakish, on the other hand, blames the father, Jacob, rather than Joseph. It was all Jacob's fault, he says, for favoring Joseph over the others. In time this made the other brothers jealous, and they ended up hating him so much that they even plotted his death. The lesson for parents is obvious: if you want to avoid hostility within your own family, do not favor some children more than others.
Gur Aryeh said that a lot of the hostility came from the way Joseph depicted his dreams. In his dreams not only his brothers, but even his father bows down to him. But although Jacob is irritated he dotes on his darling Joseph so much that he takes the abuse lightly. You could hardly expect such indulgence from Joseph's brothers, though.
It's interesting that these sages do not focus on the guilt of the brothers. Instead they focus on the responsibility of Jacob, and of Joseph himself. After many years during which Joseph has become a powerful ruler in Egypt, his brothers come down to Egypt. When he first recognizes them, he doesn't know what to do. But in the end, rather than taking revenge on them, he forgives them.
May be at this point Joseph has finally grown up. Clearly he'd been favored over his brothers not only by Jacob but even by God. But when he was sold into slavery he did not yet have the maturity to realize that his privilege was a gift to be used for the benefit of others: the people of Egypt, his own folk back home in Israel. He was a spoiled brat. His initial misfortunes in the desert and in the prison in Egypt must have been meant as a lesson to shape up.
What we learn from this dysfunctional family is that as we grow up we must learn to be less and less narcissistic. We must be tolerant of the shortcomings of others, and grateful for our gifts.
As I continue to grow up I will remember this lesson, and always consider other people, not just myself.
There are some connections in this story also to the holiday we are now celebrating: It's the first day of Hanukkah. When Joseph went down to Egypt he spoke, dressed, and behaved like a rich Egyptian. His poor relatives were hungry and probably badly dressed. May be they looked to Joseph and the Egyptians like Borat. Joseph was rich and powerful and he thought that he was happy. But when he saw his family, he slowly realized that he wasn't happy without them. So he rededicated himself to them and to his people, and remembered what God meant for them to do. Hanukkah means rededication. When the Macabees rededicated the Temple to God the Jewish people as a whole rededicated themselves to their traditions. I hope to remain faithful to those traditions in my life as an adult Jew.
Happy Hanukkah and shabbat shalom.